The Bookmarker

I could leave the review at that, because it’s the truth – full stop. Women make this world function and we would be in a much better state if we were given more power, and nothing will ever change my opinion of that. This week’s books encapsulate the core essence of what it means to be a woman, female relationships, and mental health. Let’s dive in.

LOVE & SAFFRON by Kim Fay
*Fiction, Epistolary (in the form of letters)
*Themes: female friendships, letters, food, love
*TW: contemplating abortion, death (though, brief and non-descriptive)

This book is short and oh, so sweet! This book is cozy, warm, intimate and beautiful, showcasing the development and power of female friendships. Set in the ’60s, LA Native Joan is a fan of Imogen’s column in a Pacific-Northwest magazine and sends her a letter expressing her adoration for the column. What starts as simply fan mail transcends into regular correspondence between the two women. Family, love, and careers are often discussed but centered at the core of their letters is their mutual love and bond over food. This book is just delightful! The food descriptions are drool-worthy and the friendship between Joan and Imogen is nothing short of lovely. LOVE & SAFFRON is perfect if you’re needing a little palate cleanser – pun intended.

EVERYONE BUT MYSELF : A MEMOIR by Julie Chavez
*Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health
*Themes: mental health, motherhood, feminism
*TW: mental illness, suicide ideation, extreme struggle with anxiety & depression, fear of death
*** This memoir may be very heavy and hard to read if you’ve gone through something similar. Please protect your heart and mind before and while reading this ❤

If you peaked inside my brain at the beginning of 2023 and the six years prior, you would find this book word-for-word. It was eery how often I stopped reading just to make sure I didn’t somehow conjure this novel into existence based on my own experience, it was that parallel. The invisible load women, especially mothers, carry is causing extreme detriment to our mental and physical health. The pressure and mentality of “doing it all” is, for lack of better words, killing us. Julie Chavez beautifully and thoughtfully takes us through her hardest days, showing raw and vulnerable honesty at what it’s like living with anxiety and depression, her journey with medication and therapy, and describing mental health as a slow and difficult yet very possible and rewarding road to recover from.

I know my format is now mini reviews, but I felt the urge to add a bit more to this one and show my own openness and vulnerability for a minute. After my mom died from cancer in 2017, my fear of death and overall anxiety slowly formed its way into every facet of my life until I was a shell of myself for nearly 7 years – miserable, agitated, exhausted, and consumed by the constant state of anxiousness I lived day in and day out. I hit my lowest point right after my daughter was born in early 2023, having an experience that Julie describes as her “Night I Couldn’t Turn The Lights Off”. The tools that previously would help weren’t cutting it (yoga, journaling, meditation, breath work, etc.). I knew a change needed to occur and quick. My experience to Julie’s was nearly identical – sitting in my PCP’s office with a 155 resting heart rate, sweating and crying as I unloaded 7 years worth of anxiety and admitted defeat. She took my concerns seriously, assured me that she’d help me feel better, and started me on a low dose SSRI (which I eventually increased in strength).

Shortly after, I found my amazing therapist whom I meet with weekly and with the help of medication, a doctor who believed and validated my concerns, and the new-found tools to cope with my trauma, I am slowly being pulled out of the dark hole that I lived in for far, far too long.

I’m sharing all this, as well as encouraging you to read this book, to say that it’s ok to admit you need help, to realize what worked before may not be working now. Trust your intuition, find healthcare providers you trust and respect, know that you deserve to be happy, and that it can and will get better.

“LITTLE BY LITTLE: IT’S THE heartbeat of any recovery. You begin by believing the people who love you, who assure you it can—it will—get better. The process is brutal and grueling and slower than you would like, but you keep going, little by little, until one day you realize each step doesn’t require unimaginable effort. And after that, you find the rhythm again. And then you start the next season,the next story. You move forward into a new, unknowable future. But you keep the joy and wisdom and resilience you’ve earned with your pain and grit. The gifts of the recovery are yours to keep.” – Julie Chavez